“Where is the missing heir, Lord Llewellyn? Tell us, and then we will kill you.”
“I don’t think that’s the proper way to negotiate. I think you need to look at your book again.”
12.31.2010
Dec 31
It was so powerfully innocent that it hit with the force of an inexpertly wielded sledgehammer on the surface of a melon, or perhaps drywall, for those who take offence to violence against fruit.
12.30.2010
Dec 30
However, one whiff of the charms surrounding the older Jenkin’s sister had sent Calcifer sneezing and huffing back to the grate, where he sat, watching her with wary eyes like she was a bomb that would go off at any moment. Having made this analogy, it is most unfortunate that the image of Megan exploding has most likely entered you minds. Please put this aside and rest assured that Megan will not explode, splattering icky bits all over the walls. Because it would be cruel to keep you in suspense, it must now be noted that no one will be exploding in this story, as there has been enough of that going on already. It might even be better to continue on and say that Megan does not explode in a magical sense either, as that would be rather inconvenient for the newly put together castle, on which an entire chapter was wasted. One might even go so far as to say that this is an explosion free chapter in all possible respects.
Dec 30
The woman’s name was Anathalakshmi, which Sophie contracted to Ana, and her cook’s name was Raghuvinderjit, which Sophie contracted to a pointed finger and “him”.
12.29.2010
Dec 29
His child, her child, their child -- suddenly it was real to her, real as a person, not just as an embarrassing medical condition to be concealed, or an awkwardness of figure requiring too-snug skirts to be loosened -- because medical difficulties or overindulgences certainly didn’t come with a separate heartbeat of their own.
Dec 29
He found another bottle of something alcoholic and opened it and tried to look for a solution in the bottom of the bottle. It wasn’t there either. These bottles were obviously defective. Maybe the next one would be better.
12.28.2010
Dec 28
“You want me to be your maid?”
“No, no, nothing like that at all! Think of it more like … more like being an assistant. An assistant that assists with maintaining the household.”
“No, no, nothing like that at all! Think of it more like … more like being an assistant. An assistant that assists with maintaining the household.”
Dec 28
“Aw, I love when you switch into ‘Sweet Luke’ mode.”
“I’m still not going to the festival,” he said dryly.
“And that was the end of ‘Sweet Luke’ mode. Tune in again next week for another instalment.”
“I’m still not going to the festival,” he said dryly.
“And that was the end of ‘Sweet Luke’ mode. Tune in again next week for another instalment.”
12.27.2010
Dec 27
“I may have, at some point this morning - early - been exceptionally rude to your mother. By ‘may have’, I mean, I definitely was.”
Dec 27
“I didn’t drop my cellphone, I... freed it.”
“From the captivity of your hand,” he suggests.
“Exactly!”
“At which point it made a beeline for the freedom known as the floor, I get it. How many times?”
“From the captivity of your hand,” he suggests.
“Exactly!”
“At which point it made a beeline for the freedom known as the floor, I get it. How many times?”
12.26.2010
Dec 26
“Do you want me to tell you what’s going to happen if you if you keep singing or would you rather just wait until they put you in a body cast?”
Dec 26
“One of the demons set the chandelier on fire and tried to drop it on top of Chris. He had to throw it somewhere…”
“So where then?”
“Notice how there’s an unusual amount of sunlight coming from the dining room? You know that stained glass window?”
“So where then?”
“Notice how there’s an unusual amount of sunlight coming from the dining room? You know that stained glass window?”
12.25.2010
Dec 25
“Steve, just how many trips does your foot make to your mouth in a day's time?” Chris asked bluntly. “Just a ballpark figure.”
Dec 25
“Everyone knows I’m a manly man. Although, by using that phrase, I’m automatically excluded from being considered as such. I guess that means no more plaid shirts and bare-knuckle boxing matches in the woods for me. With bears, of course.”
12.24.2010
Dec 24
In later years, he was never able to explain how it happened. It had all seemed terribly logical at the time, one thing leading to another in series, and after Cairo, it was simply inevitable that he’d be scaling a cliff with a pear, a voodoo doll, and of course, the goldfish. (Always the goldfish. The goldfish was the crux of the matter, after all, even if he hadn’t known it at the time.) But when he tried to explain this to other people, it began to sound increasingly crazy, until finally he gave up completely. After that, whenever anybody asked, he said he’d been in a cult, but was feeling much better now, and that seemed to satisfy everybody and didn’t lead to nearly as many awkward questions.
Dec 24
“We’re not going to stop being friends just because…”
“Sure. I think we can handle it. We just have to add a few clauses to our friendship agreement.”
“Such as?”
“One that stipulates that now I get to see you naked.”
“Sure. I think we can handle it. We just have to add a few clauses to our friendship agreement.”
“Such as?”
“One that stipulates that now I get to see you naked.”
12.23.2010
Dec 23
“So what’s next? You going to ask me what I’m wearing?”
“Pam! I am hurt! I would never ask a crass question like that.”
“Well, thank goodness.”
“However, if you were to volunteer that information, I wouldn’t object.”
“I’m afraid that you’d just be disappointed.”
“Why? Are you, by any chance, wearing a full body plaster cast?”
“No.”
“Then I seriously doubt that I’d be disappointed.”
“Pam! I am hurt! I would never ask a crass question like that.”
“Well, thank goodness.”
“However, if you were to volunteer that information, I wouldn’t object.”
“I’m afraid that you’d just be disappointed.”
“Why? Are you, by any chance, wearing a full body plaster cast?”
“No.”
“Then I seriously doubt that I’d be disappointed.”
Dec 23
“I think he wanted to take a bath with me.”
“No, he wanted to bathe in your blood. Slight difference.”
“No, he wanted to bathe in your blood. Slight difference.”
12.22.2010
12.21.2010
12.20.2010
Dec 20
He pulled his hand back from her plate of pudding and grinned with all the innocence of a baby shark.
Dec 20
“Let me get this straight. You’re giving me a bunch of reasons to dump you before we’re even dating?”
“Wow. It sounded a lot better in my head.”
“How did it sound in there?”
“Mature. Self-sacrificing. Honest. You know, the kind of guy you’d want to date.”
“Wow. It sounded a lot better in my head.”
“How did it sound in there?”
“Mature. Self-sacrificing. Honest. You know, the kind of guy you’d want to date.”
12.19.2010
Dec 19
“Which one are you, now?”
“Peter!”
“No, I’m Peter,” said the one who was running around Rafe’s legs.
“No, I’m Peter!” yelled the one that Mario had slung over his shoulder.
“You had to have triplets,” he told his sister as she followed her boys into the living room.
“Thought I might as well get it over with.”
“Peter!”
“No, I’m Peter,” said the one who was running around Rafe’s legs.
“No, I’m Peter!” yelled the one that Mario had slung over his shoulder.
“You had to have triplets,” he told his sister as she followed her boys into the living room.
“Thought I might as well get it over with.”
Dec 19
“How about a little less complaining and a little more dicing?” He slid the vegetable covered cutting board in front of Lois, and placed the hilt of the knife in her palm. “I think you can handle that. Luckily carrots aren’t flammable.”
She eyed the blade with a smirk. “Insult me then hand me a weapon? Rookie mistake, Smallville.”
She eyed the blade with a smirk. “Insult me then hand me a weapon? Rookie mistake, Smallville.”
12.18.2010
Dec 18
“She has your eyes.”
“Blood shot and slightly crazed?”
“I was thinking more along the lines of big and blue.”
“Blood shot and slightly crazed?”
“I was thinking more along the lines of big and blue.”
Dec 18
“She’s very disappointed in you three. But I told her that it wasn’t really your fault. She’s holding you to the impossible standards of being as good as me. That’s just completely unfair.”
12.17.2010
Dec 17
“I am not playing hard to get. I already hit you in the mouth for saying that; how much more clearly can I put it?”
“That was a beautiful swing, by the way. My gums bled every time I brushed my teeth for weeks. Who taught you to hit?”
“If you think I’m going to participate in your attempt at friendly conversation, you are sorely mistaken.”
“That was a beautiful swing, by the way. My gums bled every time I brushed my teeth for weeks. Who taught you to hit?”
“If you think I’m going to participate in your attempt at friendly conversation, you are sorely mistaken.”
12.16.2010
Dec 16
His headache, which had been fooling around up to now, decided to fully commit to the pain thing.
Dec 16
“You don’t complain. You just get that sarcastic tone whenever you mention work. That tone that says, sure I love my job about as much as I’d love having each of my toe tails ripped out one by one every single day.”
12.15.2010
12.14.2010
Dec 14
“The Mesony…Mesonychoto…oh, you know what I mean, is perfectly safe –-”
“Yeah, except for the point zero zero zero three percent of the population it turns into a weird, squishy hybrid squid thing,”
“Yeah, except for the point zero zero zero three percent of the population it turns into a weird, squishy hybrid squid thing,”
Dec 14
“Are you saying that my daily repartee is not enjoyable to you?”
“No, I’m saying I wished you had been born without the ability to speak.”
“No, I’m saying I wished you had been born without the ability to speak.”
12.13.2010
12.12.2010
12.11.2010
Dec 11
“I don’t know what it is with you lately, but if anyone else even talks to her you go into a strop.”
“That is an unfounded accusation and I resent it!”
“Unfounded! I asked her if I could borrow a quill yesterday and you slapped me!”
“You were being cheeky.”
“I said, “Lily, may I borrow a quill?” How is that cheeky?”
“It was the way you said it.”
“And how did I say it?”
“You know.”
“Humour me.”
“You did that—that eyebrow thing.”
“That thing where I have eyebrows? Because I do that an awful lot, it’d be fairly difficult for me to pick out one specific instance.”
“That is an unfounded accusation and I resent it!”
“Unfounded! I asked her if I could borrow a quill yesterday and you slapped me!”
“You were being cheeky.”
“I said, “Lily, may I borrow a quill?” How is that cheeky?”
“It was the way you said it.”
“And how did I say it?”
“You know.”
“Humour me.”
“You did that—that eyebrow thing.”
“That thing where I have eyebrows? Because I do that an awful lot, it’d be fairly difficult for me to pick out one specific instance.”
12.10.2010
Dec 10
“I do not smell like crude oil. I smell masculine.”
“Masculinity, then, smells distinctly of petroleum.”
“Masculinity, then, smells distinctly of petroleum.”
Dec 10
“What happened last night? Between Ron and the twins?”
“Nothing. What makes you think anything happened?”
“Because each time I ask, the only answer I get is a very fast ‘nothing.’ And because you’re not looking at me.”
“Nothing. What makes you think anything happened?”
“Because each time I ask, the only answer I get is a very fast ‘nothing.’ And because you’re not looking at me.”
12.09.2010
12.08.2010
Dec 8
“I wish I had a pickle for every time I heard that line.”
“Don’t you mean a nickel?”
“No, I’m hungry and I like pickles.”
“Don’t you mean a nickel?”
“No, I’m hungry and I like pickles.”
12.07.2010
12.06.2010
Dec 6
“Syrupy mushrooms do not sound appetizing at all, regardless of any dancing skills they might have.”
12.05.2010
12.04.2010
Dec 4
“They were good people who had the courage to fight, so kapow!” He made a gesture of obliteration with his hands.
12.03.2010
Dec 3
Questions fought each other about his mind and Harry struggled to arrange an orderly fashion, placing them in categories of ‘Must Find Out’, ‘A Tad Inappropriate’ and ‘Certainly Not This Time’.
Dec 3
And Angela is a vegetarian which surprised me because I thought she only got her sustenance from devouring souls.
12.02.2010
Dec 2
“Hello, Nympha—”
“Remus,” Tonks warned, setting the papers down onto the long table.
“I think it’s a nice name,” Remus defended.
“Well you would with a name like ‘Remus’,” she muttered.
“Remus,” Tonks warned, setting the papers down onto the long table.
“I think it’s a nice name,” Remus defended.
“Well you would with a name like ‘Remus’,” she muttered.
Dec 2
“Is Potter ok?” Malfoy asked hopefully. If Potter was severely injured, the rainbow thing might just be worth it…
12.01.2010
Dec 1
“Pouf.”
“What’s a pouf?”
“You.”
“Well, yes. I’d gathered as much...But what is one, specifically? I mean, what are the qualifications for being a pouf?”
“Well, in Divination, there are poufs...But those are like...uh, big stuffed bags that one sits on.”
“Ah. So I’m something one sits on?”
“Well, we could always find out, couldn’t we?”
“What’s a pouf?”
“You.”
“Well, yes. I’d gathered as much...But what is one, specifically? I mean, what are the qualifications for being a pouf?”
“Well, in Divination, there are poufs...But those are like...uh, big stuffed bags that one sits on.”
“Ah. So I’m something one sits on?”
“Well, we could always find out, couldn’t we?”
Dec 1
“So she fancies him. I don’t understand why. So what if he’s…” James sputtered to a halt, unable to think of what Harris had over him.
So he continued, “I bet he’s…” He stopped again, unable to think of what Harris did worse than him.
So he continued, “I bet he’s…” He stopped again, unable to think of what Harris did worse than him.
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