Jun 30

“I take it you like the beach.”

“I would marry the beach if man and property were allowed to mate.”

Jun 30

259.

Jun 30

“Hey, how important do you think it is to be able to say, “Help, I’m bleeding from the head” in Spanish?”

Jun 29

I was negotiating at a funeral. Which might’ve been the most inappropriate thing to happen today until that gnat flew into Kirk’s mouth and he freaked and dropped the casket.r

Jun 29

258.

Jun 29

“Hey, guys, go on over to the diner and have breakfast with your families, and then ask the nice man in the baseball hat and the flannel shirt to do sock puppets for you. And if he says no, just ask him louder – it’s part of the game!”

Jun 28

“I’ve never made a guy jealous before. I feel so powerful.”

“Just remember, there’s cute jealous and there’s Othello.”

Jun 28

257.

Jun 28

“Does your mother know what I look like?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Perfect. Find someone who vaguely resembles me. Take him. Just don’t kiss him goodnight.”

Jun 27

“My neighbour had this dog, a frisky little scamp that used to love to yap to his friends all night long. It was so cute. Then one day he disappeared. I told the police what I knew, but sadly the adorable little chatterbox was never found. It was tragic.”

“You got rid of a dog?”

“No.”

“How could you get rid of a dog?”

“I will gladly show you the transcript from the lawyer and the results of the lie detector test.”

“You’re heinous.”

“And very well rested.”

Jun 27

256.

Jun 27

“I’ve called several times the past few weeks and you’ve skilfully avoided every call.”

“No, that’s not true. I’ve left messages on your machine.”

“Yes, messages. And then if I happened to pick up, you’d hang up. Or if the maid picked up, you’d ask for me, then claim you were driving through a tunnel so you might get cut off, and then you’d make garbling noises and hang up.”

Jun 26

He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.

Jun 26

255.

Jun 26

“I don’t want to die now. I’ve still got a headache. I don’t want to go to heaven with a headache, I’d be all cross and wouldn’t enjoy it”

Jun 25

“Ah, this is obviously some strange usage of the word safe that I wasn’t previously aware of.”

Jun 25

254.

Jun 25

“Interpol has you down as dead. If you’re looking for directions, move towards the light.”

Jun 24

“Just once I’d like to be able to say, ‘Yeah, I’m not feeling so good, my leg is haunted.’”

Jun 24

253.

Jun 24

“I’m looking for my supply ledger.”

“You have a sock on your shoulder. Is it helping you look?”

Jun 23

“You sure you don’t want some tea? Tea usually makes things like this a little less awkward. There are things to hold and stir.”

Jun 23

252.

Jun 23

“Are we late?”

“We’re two minutes early.”

‘We should get a prize for being on time. Let’s go back to the diner and have pie as a reward!”

“Then we’d be late.”

“A funny conundrum, but I want pie!”

Jun 22

“No, it’s actually pretty interesting. I’m working for this firm that helps those overblown tech companies scale back and stay afloat now that they’re facing leaner times.”

“I’m sorry, uh, what’s the interesting part?”

“We dress like superheroes when we do it.”

Jun 22

251.

Jun 22

“I’m an idiot. And you know, as my mouth was opening my mind was screaming, ‘Don’t do it, I mean it, you’ll regret it.’ But did my mouth listen? No. And it opened and the words came out, and Emily was Emily, and my mouth was stunned. And my mind said ‘I told you so.’ And then my mouth got mad because no mouth likes to have its nose rubbed in it. And now my mind and my mouth aren’t talking, and it’ll be weeks before we can get the boys together again.”

“Your mouth has a nose?”

Jun 21

“Can I play with the fun cutter thing?”

“Not if you call it the fun cutter thing.”

Jun 21

250.

Jun 21

“The clock stops ringing when you throw it against the wall, giving me ample time to fall back asleep. You, on the other hand, complain no matter how hard I throw you, making sleep impossible.”

Jun 20

“Why should we date?”

“Because we are attracted to each other.”

“I am attracted to pie, but I do not feel the need to date pie.”

Jun 20

249.

Jun 20

“Since when don’t you like avocado?”

“Since I said ‘Ew, what’s that?’ and you said ‘Avocado.’”

Jun 19

“Violent pencil tossing usually signals the need for pie.”

“What if I’d thrown a pen?”

“I would’ve brought you a trout.”

“A trout?”

“I don’t make the rules, I just follow them.”

Jun 19

248.

Jun 19

“The battle for soup versus salad is raging in the other room. Come quick and settle it please, as I am running out of French curse words that they won’t understand.”

Jun 18

“Getting back to my story, while he was drunk, Leon started making outrageous bets with some of the more sober party-goers, namely the stripper-.”

“Stripper?” Lily said in an interested voice.

“Sirius’s idea,” James said, which was a blatant lie

Jun 18

247.

Jun 18

“I could catch a monkey. If I was starving I could. I’d make poison darts out of the poison of the deadly frogs. One milligram of that poison can kill a monkey. Or a man. Prick yourself and you’d be dead within a day. Or longer. Different frogs, different times.”

Jun 17

“I think it was John Lennon who said: “Life is what happens when you’re making other plans.”, and that’s how I feel. Although he also said: “I am the Walrus, I am the Eggman” so I don’t know what to believe.”

Jun 17

246.

Jun 17

“I suppose “minimally at best” is your stiff upper lip British way of saying “No chance in hell”?”

“Actually, I’m Australian.”

“You put the Queen on your money. You’re British.”

Jun 16

“Try as you might, that glass is still soundproof.”

Jun 16

245.

Jun 16

Still, he had a few semi-fond memories of Uncle Alphard, particularly of last year’s family reunion when Uncle Alphard and Sirius had invented the Black family drinking game: every time anyone in the family had said the words “pureblood,” “noble,” or “abomination,” they’d taken a swig. Both Sirius and Uncle Alphard had been thoroughly soused by dinner, which had not, to put it mildly, pleased Sirius’s mother.

Jun 15

Aries ended up next to Epi’s brother, who, he learned, was named Nikandros.
“Call me Nick,” he added in a whisper, “for the love of Merlin, please call me Nick.”

Jun 15

244.

Jun 15

The title hadn’t struck him as a particularly good sign, but Unpleasant Things It Is Sometimes Good to Know at least had the virtue of being large enough to hide behind.

Jun 14

As an attention seeking female I want him to be happy he has to reach down my shirt, but as a sensible, pepper spray armed young lady, all I’ve got to say is that he’d better be horrified out of his mind!

Jun 14

243.

Jun 14

Ugh, I have a serious problem with revenge…I just can’t do it well! I have no finesse…no sense of evil…no sadistic plot for world domination! I suppose it could be worse, though. I mean, I am really good with empty threats.

Jun 13

“Please tell me you don’t have amnesia.”

“Okay,” Terry said with a grin, “I don’t have amnesia.”

“You’re lying, aren’t you.”

Jun 13

242.

Jun 13

“Bet you’ve never been so grateful that Neville was born before me. Another two hours and he would have been the One, while I would have been the trusty sidekick. Hey!” He laughed as Neville cuffed him across the head hard enough to send him off the bed. “Ok, that’s fair; he is more of a Minion... Ouch!” He flinched from the stinging hex. “Lackey?.. Oi! Would you stop hexing the almighty hero? That’ll teach me to accept your Oath of Fealty, no respect for your Lord I tell you.” He suddenly froze and looked at the Longbottoms. “Oh bugger. I don’t suppose you can forget you heard that?”

Jun 12

“I’ve spent years collecting my friends. Most of them stood by me, or more accurately, in front of me, when things were at the worst.”

Jun 12

241.

Jun 12

“You are letting your paranoia out. May I recommend a new cage for it?”

Jun 11

“What is it you want?”

“Answers.”

“Perhaps try a question first.”

Jun 11

240.

Jun 11

He was worried about how people perceived him. She didn’t give a damn. They’ve been friends ever since.

Jun 10

“I tried to get red roses, but hotel management was threatening to charge me for thievery if I touched their garden.”

Jun 10

239.

Jun 10

Hey, said the door. Why didn’t you buzz him? Clark Kent is just the other side of this beautiful piece of finely-grained wood and you didn’t even buzz the buzzer? What kind of fan are you? Don’t you want to meet the guy who opens this gorgeous door every single day? Grasps this shiny, high-quality door-knob, inserts his key into this state-of-the-art lock? Leaves his fingerprints on this tasteful paintwork? The door seemed to have a very high opinion of itself.

Jun 9

I took his hand and clasped it firmly, just to show how good I was at greeting popular twentieth century icons.

Jun 9

238.

Jun 9

If I’m going to keep this secret of yours, I need to know everything about you - where you’re from, how you grew up, where you grew up, if you’ve got any powers I don’t know about yet, who your parents are, your inside leg measurement, your position in the school football team, if you actually went to school at all, your favourite colour, and the name of your pet goldfish.”

“Boris.”

“What?”

“The name of my pet goldfish. Except she was a cow.”

Jun 8

“Penny for your thoughts.”

“Check the Planet’s financial page, Clark. My price has changed: inflation. You understand.”
Clark opened his mouth to respond, but Lois clamped her hand over it. “And before you start a bidding war, I should inform you that my thoughts are not for sale, certainly not in your price range.”

Jun 8

237.

Jun 8

“Only one serious challenger and that was Tertius Ogden.”

“You beat Tertius Harry-you’re-a-pathetic-substitute-for-Dumbledore Ogden in a duel and I missed it?”

Jun 7

It was a scribbled note that Harry couldn’t read due to handwriting that may have been done while flying top speed on a broomstick.

Jun 7

236.

Jun 7

Instinct told him it was someone he could trust, so he swallowed a mouthful of the mug’s contents. An instant later he was sure he had been poisoned.

Jun 6

“Lose your sense of direction, Potter?”

“Merely trying to avoid killing or maiming anyone I like.”

“So you sat next to me. I’m touched.”

“Don’t tempt me, Malfoy.”

Jun 6

235.

Jun 6

“I kept all Piers’ secrets and I’d tell you what they were, but then you wouldn’t believe me about being good at it.”

Jun 5

“We would have done the same thing you did, Ron.”

“But we would have done it on purpose.”

Jun 5

234.

Jun 5

“Wait a minute. How can Harry have a twin?”

Fred smirked. “Let’s see. Same parents. Same birthday. And they look alike.”

“It worked for us,” George added.

Jun 4

“Would you like a bed? We can tell everyone you are Lord Ernest from New England, come on a visit.”

“What if they ask questions?”

“You are also a mute.”

Jun 4

233.

Jun 4

“What about that time you almost slipped?”

“I do not remember slipping.”

“You did not. Which is the point I am trying to make. When you were climbing, you were shifting your weight to match the roll of the ship. No landsman knows to do that.”

Jun 3

“Permit me,” Fred interrupted. “This is Charles Potter. He has the distinction of being Harry’s long lost twin brother.” He smiled amiably, and said to George, “I believe I have clarified the situation.”

“A wonderful job,” George admitted.

Jun 3

232.

Jun 3

“I’m curious, Colin. Where did you kick Malfoy?”

“In the hallway near the Charms classroom,” Colin answered with a straight face.

Jun 2

Noah had a good day at work. When your job is with the Suffolk County Bomb Squad, making it to quitting time is always a good day.

Jun 2

231.

Jun 2

“I don’t know how long I lived. I don’t remember dying!”

“Well that’s good,” Hermione said reasonably. “I would hate to go through life knowing how I died.”

“You know, if a random person heard you say that,” Ron said thoughtfully. “They would have no idea what you were talking about?”

Jun 1

“Grant, this is Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and my...err...other self I suppose—”

“Striking resemblance,” Grant said with a grin as he shook the other Harry’s hand.

Jun 1

230.

Jun 1

“Everyone is completely sure that they and they alone know exactly what’s best for the people and the world and the future! Perhaps you would like to add your opinion to my mental stack of irrelevant comments because that’s how much it’s going to mean to me!”