Nov 30

The Ravenclaws were waging an epic food fight. One enterprising Ravenclaw started transfiguring the food, and they could see purple tentacles and green pustules being flung about.

Nov 30

412.

Nov 30

“I have to admit, though, I may have to hear that story eventually. Anything that starts out with ‘Slytherin Keeper’s head’ and finishes with ‘slams into pole’ sounds pretty good to me.”

Nov 29

“Hi, Darla. Have a seat, join the party. It’s ‘Pick on Me’ day. Have you gotten lunch yet?”

“Well, I was thinking about getting a line lunch, but after seeing what’s on your plate, I’m not so sure. What is it, anyway?”

“Second Thursday of the Month Beef Special.”

“What’s it taste like?”

“…Beef?”

“That was a question, wasn’t it?”

Nov 29

411.

Nov 29

It's a worthy movie: lots of gratuitous violence, unrealistic fight scenes, and scantily clad females galore – light on anything that might resemble a plot or reality.

Nov 28

“Does the phrase ‘grounded for life’ mean anything to you?”

“Does the phrase ‘both of your sons can teleport’ suggest anything about what that answer would be?”

Nov 28

410.

Nov 28

"I know you and you’ll wait until the last minute and then this baby will be born, and he will have no name, and then you’ll just decide on the first thing you see, and then my nephew will be known as ‘Chair’."

Nov 27

“You can mess with me if you so please, there’s five big hulking’ bruisers like you and only one of little me. But it’ll cost you. I’ll give you pain you’ll feel for a week afterwards. I’m a med student, y’know. I know exactly the effect of my boot in your groin, how much it will hurt, how many blood vessels I can rupture, how long it will take until your girlfriend will find you useful again.”

Nov 27

409.

Nov 27

“I want to be perfectly clear on this. You’re a nice guy, and you’re a valuable member of this team, never forget that. I’m glad she picked you. And if you break her heart, I’ll tie you into a pretzel and shove you out the airlock. You know that, right?”

Nov 26

“Do you have anything in your fridge other than sour milk and leftover pizza conducting mad-scientist experiments on itself?”

Nov 26

408.

Nov 26

There is a particular punishment, doled out for certain crimes. The guilty party’s wings are bound and he or she is cast out from a tower far above the clouds. The higher the tower, the longer the fall and the time spent thinking about one’s sins. Legend says some find religion on the way down, but the hard ground believes only in itself.

Nov 25

“No, they’re not,” said Shayera, in her ‘going to get the mace out any second’ voice.

Nov 25

407.

Nov 25

“I found your journal.”

“My what?” Clark looked genuinely puzzled.

“Your journal. I guess your mom gave it to you.”

The light turned on in Clark’s head. “You found my journal? In the back corner of the closet, under an old box of weights, beneath the carpet, standing on end and wrapped in burlap? That journal?”

“I was snooping. It’s what I do.”

Nov 24

“I’ve found you up here in the snow before.”

“I was drunk. How many times do we have to have the discussion about how my drunken exploits can not be used as evidence for my normal behaviour?”

“I’d listen to the discussion if your drunken exploits weren’t your normal behaviour. But they totally are.”

Nov 24

406.

Nov 24

“Who changed what? The last time we travelled through time Wyatt nearly killed Shakespeare with a bit of banana skin.”

Nov 23

She complied silently, knowing that his sense of humour had been surgically removed as a requirement for his job.

Nov 23

405.

Nov 23

“How do you know I tell you everything? There could be all sorts of stuff I never tell you about, and you’d never know because I don’t tell you about it.”

Nov 22

Werewolves did not knit. James made a minute adjustment to his binoculars and peered through them once more, certain that his eyes must be deceiving him. But it was true. His friend Remus Lupin, whom James strongly suspected was going to morph into a werewolf in just under two hours, was helping the school nurse with her knitting. Her knitting! James reckoned that if any of Remus’s fellow lycanthropes could see him now, they’d chuck him out of their creatures of the night club.

Nov 22

404.

Nov 22

If a bald man in a wheelchair asks about these documents, think happy thoughts and deny everything.

Nov 21

“Damn, you’re still here. It’s not a hallucination.”

Nov 21

403.

Nov 21

“I get married because I fall in love. I get divorced because I fall in love too often.”

Nov 20

“I’ve been in there for five minutes and he’s already shown me the imaginary line that runs between both of our beds. I told him I didn’t understand and I think he’s going to go out and buy chalk so he can draw a real line on the carpet.”

Nov 20

402.

Nov 20

“Isn’t doing homework your favourite activity?”

She rolled her eyes. “No, I’m also quite fond of taking tests and cleaning my room. It’s a close tie.”

Nov 19

“Regarding my shift change, or my rather unorthodox use of the teleporter?”

Nov 19

401.

Nov 19

“I know what’s got you so deep in thought. Of course, if I were you I wouldn’t be looking out that window, I’d be jumping out it.”

Nov 18

“So help me Circe, if you do not shut up, sit down, and let me get on with refereeing without your commentary, I will fly over there and personally strangle you with your own intestines. Are we clear?”

Nov 18

400.

Nov 18

Valence Faye displayed the canine skill of being able to sense fear, and with wicked glee proceeded to replace Snape as Hufflepuff House’s least favourite teacher.

Nov 17

Clark wasn’t in the process of falling for Lois; he was standing at the bottom of the pit, looking up at her.

Nov 17

399.

Nov 17

“Out of curiosity … why do you have weird-looking goo on your hands?”

“That’s a very good question, Harry,” she said calmly. “And after I’ve impaled Fred’s and George’s heads on two sticks, I’ll tell you.”

Nov 16

“Just what did you take from them, Jonathan?”

Jonathan chuckled nervously. “Ah, well, let’s just say that it’s something quite valuable to me.”

“It was something that belonged to Evie, and you lost it in a bet, so now you have used your dubious charms to get back, wasn’t it.”

Jonathan blinked. “How did you know?”

Nov 16

398.

Nov 16

“I told you to go home,” he said coldly.

Kon looked up and the world’s biggest grin split his face. “Yes,” he agreed. “Yes, you did. And I didn’t listen.”

Nov 15

“How long have you known?”

She raised her eyebrow. “Is that really what you want to ask first? Because I thought it’d be ‘how did I find out’?”

“That’s sort of neck and neck with ‘how mad are you’?”

Nov 15

397.

Nov 15

Chew, he told himself. If you’re chewing, nothing stupid can come out of your mouth.

Nov 14

And Kit had taken it all with the expression of one who has just been firmly slapped with a dead fish.

Nov 14

396.

Nov 14

He routinely defied every law of physics she’d ever heard of, and some she hadn’t, science never having been her best subject.

Nov 13

“Are you sure you’re not Clark’s girl?”

“Yeah, I’m pretty darn sure.”

“That’s funny, because I can’t think of any other reason he’d be standing over there looking like he wants to tear me limb from limb.”

Nov 13

395.

Nov 13

Abuse of rule #349 of life, “Thou shalt not be happy for evil things shall smite thee.” Check.

Nov 12

“You’re not fooling anyone, you know. Admit it, you like her. It’s okay to like her.”

“She’s the devil,” House pointed out.

“It’s not like you’ve ever been religious.”

Nov 12

394.

Nov 12

“What’re you not telling me?”

“If I could tell you what I’m not telling you, then I wouldn’t have to not tell you.”

Nov 11

“Um, you might want to be careful with this. It’s a portable generator.”

“So?”

“Ah, fission powered portable generator.”

“Okay. Don’t sleep on the nuclear powered device. Good safety tip.”

Nov 11

There’s really no difference between deadly and deadlier. Either way, I’m in big trouble if I let myself get nailed at all, just like always.

Nov 11

393.

Nov 11

“I’m sorry. This is kind of…strange.”

“Don’t resort to understatement on my behalf.”

“Cataclysmically, life-alteringly, world turned upside down strange.”

“Better.”

Nov 10

“Admittedly I’m new to the whole time travel thing, but isn’t it a little late for the ‘you not knowing’ phase of the plan?”

“Not me,” Lois corrected, tapping her chest. “The younger me. Lois Lane; the college years. There would be huge repercussions if I were to run into me...her...And the resulting pronoun issues are just the tip of the iceberg.”

Nov 10

392.

Nov 10

“How long is that going to take?”

“Not really sure. It’s not like we have a standard form to “un-dead” you.” Jo coughed and Carter looked over incredulously.

“Tell me you’re kidding.”

“924-B, in triplicate.”

Nov 9

“Jo hit you?”

“Yeah, with the butt of an MPS auto-assault shotgun. Or a Model 50 Tactical takedown rifle—damn, I’m never going to pass the test.”

Nov 9

391.

Nov 9

“What about a signal fire? I saw that in a movie once.”

“Mr. Potter, it may have escaped your notice, but we are currently up a tree. I have no idea what this movie is you are speaking of, but I think we can safely assume that the situations are not parallel.”

Nov 8

Stark’s head honcho up at Global Dynamics. When he says “jump”, everyone else says, “what trajectory?”

Nov 8

390.

Nov 8

“Gibbs’ll get in. He’s got clearance that’ll let him see the dead aliens buried in Area 51.”

“Because he probably killed them.”

Nov 7

“You remember when I stayed with you that time, when it didn’t really go so well?”

“Yeah. I remember, DiNozzo.”

“Well, listen. I was younger then. Immature, a little unfocused...”

“It was six months ago, Tony.”

Nov 7

389.

Nov 7

I was in the office two years before he even looked me in the eye. Three years before he called me by name. Four till he got it right. By then, I’d actually gotten used to Steve.

Nov 6

“Sir, who in the world is this… this…”

“Cretin?” Harm supplied mildly.

“Cretin.”

Nov 6

388.

Nov 6

“I know what I’ve been told. What I’ve read. Memories? Flashes here and there. Never much of anything, really. I can’t even be certain which ones are real....if I’m going to have a past, I prefer it to be multiple choice!”

Nov 5

“You were shot.”

“Yeah, you told me that the first time I woke up. Unless I was shot again between then and now; in which case I’m suing the hospital.”

Nov 5

387.

Nov 5

“Hell, I even tried reversing the gravity.”

“And you’re sure you reversed it?”

“Either that or the sofa learned to fly!”

Nov 4

“That looks suspiciously like a ring, William.”

“It does go by that name in most English speaking countries.”

“I don’t want to read too much into this, but most girls would assume that the presence of a ring implies an offer.”

“Well then, for clarification’s sake, an offer is definitely implied.”

“And by offer you would not actually be meaning a ride in your Bentley where we would be going to say...”

“You are killing me, woman,” he growled.

Nov 4

386.

Nov 4

The griffin knew that the mouse was blind, and thus had no idea that he was having tea with an enormous monster that, despite the foreparts of a dodo, nevertheless posessed a carnivorous feline stomach. But it’s lonely being a monster, particularly when your front half is extinct, and so he pretended to be a much smaller creature, and drank tea very cautiously out of the mouse-sized teacups, and kept his voice down to a whisper whenever he visited the mouse. The mouse was, indeed, blind (being descended from one of a moderately famous trio) but was also nobody’s fool, and there was absolutely nothing wrong with his hearing. The griffin’s breathing couldn’t come from anything smaller than a bull elk. He occasionally wondered if he should offer his guest a bigger teacup (or possibly a barrel) but figured that if the griffin wasn’t going to say anything about it, neither was he.

Nov 3

“Last night on ‘Trading Spouses,’ there’s... did you see it?”

“No, I have a life.”

“Interesting, what’s that like?”

“You should try it some time.”

“Wow. But then who would watch my TV?”

Nov 3

385.

Nov 3

“So, what can I do for you that doesn’t end with a bullet located at some uncomfortable place in my body?”

Nov 2

“He was also the club’s owner. So a little leeway can be expected…”

“A little leeway? He was firing a BB Gun at the gardeners!”

“Well they’ve been slacking off a bit lately and he hardly ever hits them. The point is even he doesn’t use real weapons, which is against policy on this course.”

“Oh. So I guess me using that bazooka on the second hole in order to make it bigger…”

“Is frowned upon, yes.”

Nov 2

384.

Nov 2

“You can’t tell me you’ve never seen anyone lose his temper over a game of golf before?”

“No, but then again I’ve never seen anyone set fire to a caddy.”

“He was lagging behind! And I didn’t set his entire body on fire! Just his feet! And only to make a point!”

“You certainly made one. He ran very fast after that…”

Nov 1

“Hi. I’m very drunk. I don’t know if I meant to call you.”

Nov 1

383.

Nov 1

“Why not?” he asked her.

“Too pale.” she told him.

“So what?”

“Pale means sickly.”

“Or sunscreen.”

“Or Mad Cow Disease.” she retorted.

“Pale does not mean Mad Cow Disease.” he said, rolling his eyes.

“Have you ever had Mad Cow Disease?”

“Twice last week and my coloring was wonderful.”