Nov 30

“Dude, I will give you five seconds to stop that before you have to explain to a doctor how a phone got that far up your ass.”

Nov 30

“You have clothes on,” said Fred, doing little to hide the relief in his voice.

Nov 29

792.

Nov 28

“You’re so smart, baby. I don’t know how all your brains fit inside your head. Do you keep brains in your pockets?”

Nov 28

“We need your help,” the young man says, and he sounds angry, he sounds furious, but May understands that tone. Her husband had always sounded angry when he was scared out of his wits, too. Almost as an afterthought, the young man adds, “Please.”

Nov 27

791.

Nov 26

Normal people just said, “Colonel Mustard, in the Conservatory, with the candlestick.” Daniel made up the most unusual deaths he could think of. Colonel Mustard would string a vine across the floor, and would strategically place the candlestick, upright on the floor, so that when Boddy tripped on the vine, he’d land facedown and get the candlestick shoved through his mouth. It’d go in so hard that Boddy would choke to death, deep-throating the candlestick. “Sucking on the candlestick, choking on his own drool and blood, writhing on the floor, turning blue. And Colonel Mustard would just polish his monocle and wait for him to die...”

Nov 26

“I think you might be the most boring drunk in the universe,” said Dean conversationally. “One beer and you’re out like a light.”

Nov 25

790.

Nov 24

“If by ‘idiotic,’ you mean ‘brilliant,’ then I agree.”

Nov 24

“Are we high? What’s in this ice cream?” Sam asks, bewildered.

Nov 23

789.

Nov 22

“Dude, I need to stitch that wound.”

“I know. See how happy I look?”

Nov 22

“Are you an alien?” Emmett asked suddenly, squinting at Connor.

Connor looked bewildered. “I have a green card…”

“No! Did you operate on my brain?”

“I…” Connor stopped, actually hearing the question. “Did I what?”

Nov 21

788.

Nov 20

“Hey, man, you’re the one who said my name.”

“It could’ve been a code name, you ever think of that?”

“No, Hobbes, I didn’t. You know why? ‘Cause it’s my name.”

“They didn’t know that.”

“Uh, actually, we did,” Dean said. “Nice try though. Very professional.”

Nov 20

“Pig Latin?” he asked in obvious disbelief. “Stealthy, dude.”

Nov 19

787.

Nov 18

“Do you realize that Carrie has what’s colloquially known as a great deal of funk in her trunk?”

“I thought it was ‘junk.’ Junk. In the trunk. Of course, there are regional differences. Etymologically, that is.”

“Et— You’re punishing me for using the word ‘colloquially.’”

Nov 18

Clark raises his hands in something like surrender. “The rest of the League tries not to ever question Batman’s reasoning, Robin.”

“Because you have social lives?”

Nov 17

786.

Nov 16

She eyes the guns on his hips. And the knives in his belt. And the rifle slung across his back.
“Overcompensate much?”

Nov 16

“We could—I’m pointing this out only for contrast—be dead.”

Nov 15

785.

Nov 14

Clothing seemed to be optional, but those who bothered were sure as hell making a fashion statement. He looked down at his damp, grass-stained sweatpants, and decided that the statement he was making was “fuck you.”

Nov 14

“And why aren’t the little old ladies fussing over you? Your clothes are a bigger mess than mine.”

“It’s my air of manly self-sufficiency. Hey, you think you could give them my blue shirt and say it’s yours? The sleeve is totally coming off.”

“Manly self-sufficiency, huh?”

“Sewing isn’t manly.”

“But walking around with your sleeve half-off is?”

“Sure. It’s rugged.”

“You mean ragged.”

“That, too.”

Nov 13

784.

Nov 12

She was glad that Sam was off ‘finding himself’ or whatever Sam did that meant that he didn’t need her anymore, but she had carried him in her arms, with his grubby little kid fingers wrapped tight around her collar. She knew who Sam was, she’d be happy to find Sam if he would only ask.

Nov 12

Along with the standard computer warranty agreement which said that if the machine 1) didn’t work, 2) didn’t do what the expensive advertisement said, 3) electrocuted the immediate neighbourhood, 4) and in fact failed entirely to be inside the expensive box when you opened it, this was expressly, absolutely, implicitly and in no event the fault or responsibility of the manufacturer, that the purchaser should consider himself lucky to be allowed to give his money to the manufacturer, and that any attempt to treat what had just been paid for as the purchaser’s own property would result in the attentions of serious men with menacing briefcases and very thin watches.

Nov 11

783.

Nov 10

Sometimes he would scribble something on a sheet of paper by his side. It was covered in symbols only eight other people in the world would have been able to comprehend; two of them had won Nobel prizes, and one of the other six dribbled a lot and wasn’t allowed anything sharp because of what he might do with it.

Nov 10

“I glaim gis oteg in der gaing og der—” he paused. He took the knife out of his teeth and began again.

Nov 9

782.

Nov 8

He had always known that he would be around when the world ended, because he was immortal and wouldn’t have any alternative.

Nov 8

The twentieth century was anything but boring. In fact, a flashing blue light in his rearview mirror had been telling Crowley, for the last fifty seconds, that he was being followed by two men who would like to make it even more interesting for him.

Nov 7

781.

Nov 6

God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players [i.e. everybody], to being involved in an obscure and complex variant of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a Dealer who won’t tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time.

Nov 6

“Didn’t look like it from where I was standing!”

“Stand somewhere else.”

Nov 5

780.

Nov 4

“Yes, oh bastion of gorgeousness that I am blessed above all men to call wife?”

Nov 4

“Broken in four places,” Sammy announced with glee, brandishing his cast.

Nov 3

779.

Nov 2

“Oh my god, that guy. That guy. I don’t even know his name and I’ve wanted to kick him squarely in the balls for years. It’s like a fantasy. Sooner or later we’ll both be at the 7-Eleven down the road a ways. Maybe I’ll be getting a pack of Camels and he’ll be getting a Slurpee and then BAM. I will ruin his chances of ever having children. And then I will steal his Slurpee. It will be my finest hour.”

Nov 2

“A moment to find out would be good,” she said, irritated. “You want fast service, go to McDonalds.”

“Sorry! I’ll just be over here somewhere, letting you work and, you know, tapping my foot impatiently.”

Nov 1

778.