Aug 31

746.

Aug 30

“And that’s when the Chief Justice will tell you to raise your right hand and put your left hand on the Bible.”

“What do I do then?”

“You raise your right hand and put your left on the Bible.”

“And will there be someone who will tell me when it’s time to do that?”

Aug 30

“If the siren’s on, he’s still alive,” John replies as evenly as he can. “They don’t turn it on if someone’s dead.”

Aug 29

745.

Aug 28

He glared at the juice glass. “It’s got pulp in it,” he whined. “It’s like drinking a paper towel.”

Aug 28

“I'm bigger than you now. All I have to do is put my hand on your forehead and extend my arm. Fighting you off is hardly the challenge it was when I was seven.”

Aug 27

744.

Aug 26

“This end of the world shit is pretty damn boring. All the television stations are broadcasting the damn emergency broadcast system. Humanity is dying out and I can’t even watch some decent soft core porn.”

“First of all, there is no such thing as decent soft core porn…”

Aug 26

“I don’t want to bore everybody, but I am talking about selling office supplies, so it’s a little inevitable.”

Aug 25

743.

Aug 24

“Do you even know what that means?”

“Hey, I watch soap operas,” he said.

“Not anymore you don’t,” his father snapped. “What the hell are they putting on TV these days?”

Aug 24

Ms. Horson shook her head, her watery eyes going glassy. “Oh, it hurts me to tell the parents of our dear students the truth, knowing that they often hold their children in such a high regard--”

“What’d he do now?” inquired his father flatly

Aug 23

742.

Aug 22

“How come I can’t have Fruit Loops?” the kid asked.

“Because you had M& Ms for dinner,” John answered.

“What does that have to do with it?”

“You only get one multi-color meal every twenty four hours,” John said. “House rules.”

Aug 22

The guy’s name was Brent, and he was a writer (or maybe he’d said pastry chef) and his partner’s name was Michael (or had it been Mario?) and he ran a web site (or maybe it was a dojo). She hadn’t paid much attention during introductions.

Aug 21

741.

Aug 20

“No, wait. Go back and explain the thing before the ‘one last thing’,” Dean said.

Aug 20

“That’s complicated. Well, ok it’s not complicated. The answer is just going to make me sound really crazy.”

Aug 19

740.

Aug 18

“Who was that? That, that young man a minute ago. The one who just spoke to my parents, and was outgoing, friendly, and everything. Who was that? What did you do with my introverted, bookworm boyfriend?”

He looked away, a momentary smile causing his cheeks to dimple again. “That was ‘Meeting the Girlfriend’s Parents Sam’.”

“Are there any other Sams I need to know about? I didn’t know I got more than one.”

“A few actually. There’s ‘Get Down to Business Sam’, uhm ‘That’s Not What Really Happened Sam’, ‘Surely You Could Let That Pass This Once Sam’, ‘No This Guy is Not My Brother Sam’, and a couple of others. They come in handy on occasion.”

Aug 18

“I heard about this guy who broke into a lion’s den at the zoo and got mauled. People were talking about how there should have been better defenses put up to prevent people getting into the cage. A friend of mine suggested setting up some kind of deterrent: for example, putting some sort of fierce animal in the cage, which would attack anybody who climbed in.”

Aug 17

739.

Aug 16

“Your piece of paper allows you to search the building, you grotty little man. It does not give you right to bully children and I assure you your superiors, which I imagine includes most of the mammals in the western hemisphere, and not a few of the reptiles, will be hearing a detailed list of your petty brutalities….”

Aug 16

“Pah, try to arrest me for this and I’ll turn you into…” she eyed him a moment then continued, “…a badger. Yes, I think so. A badger.”

Aug 15

738.

Aug 14

“You know, you’ve got the same name as…” she trailed off as she got a better look at him as he sat next to her. “Or you actually are him.”

Aug 14

John’s almost a professional when it comes to liquor and “connisseur” sounds a hell of a lot better than “alcoholic” any day of the week.

Aug 13

737.

Aug 12

“So do you have a name, or should I just call you She Who Inhales Her Breakfast?”

Aug 12

She’s pretty sure if you dropped him off in the middle of the desert with a Swiss Army knife and a prayer, he’d find his way back to civilization in two hours with a water bottle made out of a cactus and eating a hot dog he made out of rattlesnake meat along the way.

Aug 11

736.

Aug 10

She looks exactly like one of the Olsen twins, if they were both stuck on a deserted island, one had to eat the other one to live and the surviving twin ballooned up to the weight of a normal girl.

Aug 10

“Words cannot express how I feel about you. Stand by for rude gestures.”

Aug 9

735.

Aug 8

One of the perks of being a General is Jack can have ideas and just run with them without having to run them through any kind of approval process. At least, that’s what he keeps doing. He’s got some underlings who constantly look harassed and would like to inform him that this isn’t particularly true.

Aug 8

Injuries on a normal person appear gruesome and agonizingly painful. Injuries on one him ran together like a watercolor painting, somehow enhancing the beauty and mystery continually cloaking his figure, and appearing as effortless as an accessory that one might carry, such as a handbag.

Aug 7

734.

Aug 6

“Dad, you don't have to. My brother gave me that talk a few times already. Updated it as he you know... found out more.”

Aug 6

“Sam, when mom and dad brought you back from the hospital, I told them to trade you for a baseball. I stand by that.”

Aug 5

733.

Aug 4

“Can I go out tonight? The guys from Shop class are having a post ‘we-built-a-car-and-it-didn’t-explode’ party.”

Aug 4

“Of course it isn’t a bad idea. It was my idea, ergo it must, by definition, be the byproduct of my genius.”

Aug 3

732.

Aug 2

“Biff?” He cut in with a snort. “You actually know someone named ‘Biff’?” He started to laugh.

Aug 2

He saw one swing towards him, but could only think “Aw, man, tentacles too?” before he found himself flung off his feet.

Aug 1

731.