Oct 31

“I wouldn’t have to shoot anything vital. Just a foot or something. He’d still be able to talk.”

“Yes, but think of the mess he’d make of the carpet, sweetheart.”

Oct 31

382.

Oct 31

“I can cook.”

“Of course you can, honey. It’s just that eating the results is a little...challenging. How about we eat out instead?”

Oct 30

“I’m this close to asking you to set someone’s trashcan on fire. The alarms would go off and we could all call it a day.”

Clark returned her idea with a wry smile. “I love you, but I’m not committing arson so you can take a day off.”

Oct 30

381.

Oct 30

All I need now is for you to say ‘I know exactly where we are’. Male code for ‘nobody will ever see us alive again’.

Oct 29

He’d had too much to drink. He knew this not because he felt drunk, but because the world went in and out of focus every time he blinked.

Oct 29

380.

Oct 29

“Victoria, I’ve just accidentally stabbed myself in the palm with my pen, and I was wondering if this ink we bought is toxic.”

Oct 28

“Well, she wasn’t exactly clear. She just said that you might need to talk about something, at some point. Feel like narrowing it down?”

Oct 28

379.

Oct 28

“I don’t want you disappearing for months on end like last time.”

“Lois! I was under the control of an alien symbiotic starfish. I had no memory of four months of my life.”

Oct 27

As far as we know, Jane Austen might have seen Darcy as a blond. But then, you can’t really smoulder with blond hair; you’d probably just look petulant.

Oct 27

378.

Oct 27

“You! What have I told you about sharing Mommy’s embarrassing stories? Especially with the boys.”

“Um… only do so when you’re not in the vicinity?”

Oct 26

“It’s like one in the morning. Who says ‘amalgam’ at one in the morning besides college dorks writing last minute English papers.”

Oct 26

377.

Oct 26

She was a quivering wreck. If it wasn’t for Clark, she’d be a useless lump of cowering jelly on the floor. As it was, she was a useless lump of cowering jelly in his arms.

Oct 25

“Forget the phone call, Kent. I want answers, and I want them now.”

“Ok then,” Clark acquiesced, still a bit flummoxed. “Um, what are the questions?”

Oct 25

376.

Oct 25

“Who says ‘emanating’ at one-thirty in the morning?”

Luke groaned. “Not this again.”

“Say yes, then, and I won’t pontificate on the emanating.”

“Who says pontificate?”

“People who say emanating and amalgam.”

Oct 24

He might have wondered what his subconscious was trying to tell him, if he’d been the kind of guy who let his subconscious boss him around.

Oct 24

375.

Oct 24

“You’ve taken a vow of silence, how fascinating. Tell me about it.”

Oct 23

“On the evil dictator scale of one to Hilter? I’d give you five Mussolinis.”

Oct 23

374.

Oct 23

“I asked if I could borrow that twenty you had earlier.”
Clark’s obliging expression grew perplexed as he reached for his pocket and came up empty.

“I already have it.”

“Well, why did you ask, then?”

“To be polite.”

Oct 22

“You won’t take my calls.”

“And there’s a reason for that, Jason. It all ties in to how I don’t want to talk to you.”

Oct 22

373.

Oct 22

“I wasn’t sneaking up on you. I was shopping and you were in front of me.”

“Yes, but if that basket had been a gun and this produce section had been a jungle, your actions would be called ‘sneaking up on me.’”

Oct 21

“You and Sam are about the same age. I’m surprised you didn’t bump into each other way back when.”

“Pangaea was a big place.”

Oct 21

372.

Oct 21

“You should apologise.”

“Fine… I’m sorry I couldn’t give you two black eyes.”

Oct 20

“You shouldn’t have punched him, only because—”

“I know, I know… you wanted to. But the neckline on that gown is too low cut for a proper right hook. We would have had a serious falling out.”

Oct 20

371.

Oct 20

“I’m curious like the monkey.”

“Curiosity killed the monkey,” Kirk morosely told her.

“No, it killed the cat. It made the monkey rich, famous, and with a successful franchise of books and merchandise.”

Oct 19

“Using an 8-Ball is a legitimate simulation of stochastic processes. It extends a binary coin toss into n-dimensional answer-space by smoothing Heisenberg Uncertainty, simplifying complex game theory modelling errors and incorporating basic Chaos Theory principals.”

“Meaning?”

“You’re behind the 8-Ball.”

Oct 19

370.

Oct 19

“You’re probably wondering why I’m calling.”

“Well, that thought did cross my mind but then it went away as I started thinking about cows.”

Oct 18

“Coffee please.”

“That crap is going to kill you someday.”

“You say that, but then give it to me anyway.”

“I was wondering when you’d finally get the hint.”

Oct 18

369.

Oct 18

“Can I make one more suggestion?”

“No.”

“Curtains.”

“No.”

“Manly curtains?”

“Oxymoron.”

“What did you call me?”

Oct 17

“I wasn’t aware that this was ‘get drunk and poke fun at me night’. If I had known, I would have worn a silly hat to make my dysfunction all the more noticeable.”

“A ridicule hat! I should get one.”

Oct 17

368.

Oct 17

“Meow…?”

“No, Fluffy, murder is not the answer. You always suggest that.”

Oct 16

Touch me and I will pound you into a shape resembling a small cube made entirely of pain.

Oct 16

367.

Oct 16

“Hello, Nympha—”

“Remus,” Tonks warned, setting the papers down onto the long table.

“I think it’s a nice name,” Remus defended.

“Well you would with a name like ‘Remus’,” she muttered.

Oct 15

“Pouf.”

“What’s a pouf?”

“You.”

“Well, yes. I’d gathered as much...But what is one, specifically? I mean, what are the qualifications for being a pouf?”

“Well, in Divination, there are poufs...But those are like...uh, big stuffed bags that one sits on.”

“Ah. So I’m something one sits on?”

“Well, we could always find out, couldn’t we?”

Oct 15

366.

Oct 15

“So she fancies him. I don’t understand why. So what if he’s…” James sputtered to a halt, unable to think of what Harris had over him. So he continued, “I bet he’s…” He stopped again, unable to think of what Harris did worse than him.

Oct 14

“Why exactly do you fancy Evans, again?” said Sirius.

James shook his head. “I swear, she’s usually not a nutter.”

Oct 14

365.

Oct 14

“I have to admit, though, I may have to hear that story eventually. Anything that starts out with ‘Slytherin Keeper’s head’ and finishes with ‘slams into pole’ sounds pretty good to me.”

Oct 13

“Hi, Darla. Have a seat, join the party. It’s ‘Pick on Me’ day. Have you gotten lunch yet?”

“Well, I was thinking about getting a line lunch, but after seeing what’s on your plate, I’m not so sure. What is it, anyway?”

“Second Thursday of the Month Beef Special.”

“What’s it taste like?”

“…Beef?”

“That was a question, wasn’t it?”

Oct 13

364.

Oct 13

“I’ve been perched on a gargoyle all night sifting through the voices in Gotham. I’ve never heard so many people whine in my life. Is anyone happy here?”

Oct 12

“Does the phrase ‘grounded for life’ mean anything to you?”

“Does the phrase ‘both of your sons can orb’ suggest anything about what that answer would be?”

Oct 12

363.

Oct 12

“Any idea how to spell ‘gharnot’?”

“Nope.”

“Then my spelling stands.”

Oct 11

"I know you and you’ll wait until the last minute and then this baby will be born, and he will have no name, and then you’ll just decide on the first thing you see, and then my nephew will be known as ‘Chair’."

Oct 11

362.

Oct 11

“You can mess with me if you so please, there’s five big hulking’ bruisers like you and only one of little me. But it’ll cost you. I’ll give you pain you’ll feel for a week afterwards. I’m a med student, y’know. I know exactly the effect of my boot in your groin, how much it will hurt, how many blood vessels I can rupture, how long it will take until your girlfriend will find you useful again.”

Oct 10

“Do you have anything in your fridge other than sour milk and leftover pizza conducting mad-scientist experiments on itself?”

Oct 10

361.

Oct 10

“We need a plan.”

“You’re the one with twenty backup plans at all times. You don’t have one now?”

“I have several. None of them are best-case.”

Oct 9

“No, they’re not,” said Shayera, in her ‘going to get the mace out any second’ voice.

Oct 9

360.

Oct 9

Were Bruce not privately certain that he’d gone mad many years ago, the current holding-pattern of his life would indicate a steady decline into calm insanity.

Oct 8

“It may believe you’re its mother.” John swore J’onn was trying not to laugh. John sent him a very specific mental gesture.

Oct 8

359.

Oct 8

“You know how to pick locks?”

“You don’t?” Lois spoke absently, her words distorted because she was biting on her tongue as an aid to concentration.

“It’s not something they teach in Law School,” said CJ, “although, if you wanted, I could tell you precisely which laws we’re breaking right now. They did teach us that.”

Oct 7

“Did you really say that lawyers were ‘tape worms in the belly of humanity’?” She nodded guiltily.

“I’m impressed,” he said, and to her amazement, she realised that he was laughing.

“Really?” she said tentatively.

“Really. It’s not often that a lawyer gets to hear a truly original insult.”

Oct 7

358.

Oct 7

“Strength. Invulnerability. And I cook a mean chilli.”

Oct 6

“I swear by the eight gods of terror that you are as annoying as your sisters I have the unfortunate honour of being mated too! Very well, take the ship out just past their satellite…what do the call it?”

A junior officer spoke up from across the bridge. “The moon, sir.”

“What an original name, surely the sign of an advanced species…”

Oct 6

357.

Oct 6

“On the list of honest detectives in your precinct, there’s you and a bunch of dead guys. It was a tough choice, but seeing as how I hate going to the cemetery at night…”

Oct 5

“Drop dead Peeves.”

“Already have.”

“Encore!”

Oct 5

356.

Oct 5

“Come on, Harry,” Sirius cajoled. “What’s life without a little risk?”

“Longer,” Harry replied, deadpan.

Oct 4

“Is there some rule that says all of you evil nut jobs need to speak in the third person? Cause really, it’s pretty stupid. Imagine if I went into McDonalds and started yelling ‘The Robin demands a happy meal!’ they’d toss me into the loony bin in a second! Oh wait,” he smirked at the downed villain, “That’s where you’re going.”

Oct 4

355.

Oct 4

If a bald man in a wheelchair asks about these documents, think happy thoughts and deny everything.

Oct 3

“Although, Lois found out about poker night. Now she insists on playing. And she nearly always wins. Flash is annoyed with me.”

Oct 3

354.

Oct 3

When an Avenger says something like “Oh no,” you pay attention.

Oct 2

“Dolphins? We are mounting an attack on an island fortress on the back of dolphins?”

Oct 2

353.

Oct 2

Nightwing jumped to avoid a blast of seltzer water. Then he blinked at the clown who had shot it. “Did you just shoot seltzer water at me? Seriously, what did you think that would do?”

Oct 1

“Tim, my friend, this house has a special shield around it to keep all satellite and other forms of technology from working.”

“Really?” Tim asked, curious about where Superman would get this technology.

“Yeah. It’s called Smallville, Kansas. Nothing like that works here. Truth is, they just installed the phone lines last week.”

Oct 1

352.

Oct 1

He coughed and managed to get it into his plate just as Martha and Jonathan descended upon him like vultures. They bombarded him with questions about his ‘girlfriend’ and why he hadn’t told them, and even with all his Kryptonian might and Luthorian DNA, all he could do was sit there and blush while Tim snickered between bites of mashed potatoes. Conner considered using his powers to toss the table into the air and dumping those potatoes in Tim’s lap, but he was pretty sure Martha would scold him for it. Conner had trouble imagining Superman going through things like this, and he knew Luthor wouldn’t stand for it.