Mar 22

“I swear on petits fours, Zonko’s, Heather Locklear, and all other things holy in this world, if you tell anyone—and, yes, Moony and Wormtail fall under the category of ‘anyone’ in this situation—what I am about to ask you, I will ritualistically dismember you with a blunt object, limb by limb, and then dispose of your body in a lake filled with piranhas, do I make myself clear?”

“No, actually. Am I dead when you throw me into the piranha pit, or just…limbless?”

“Leaving you alive would cause more pain. However, you could die of blood loss before I even get you to the piranhas. The piranhas are mostly for the clean disposal of the body, really, so I suppose you would be dead first.”

“Excellent.”